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Wednesday, December 16, 2015

A 92 year-old great-grandmother has been hospitalized after she tried to use her great-grandaughter’s bedazzle kit on her own vagina.

It all started when the elderly Mildred Vandorsum joined an online dating site recently and met a 36 year-old man, who asked her out on a date after seeing her photo. Her family begged the great-grandmother of 22 to reconsider because of the age difference, but Vandorsum said she was determined and  “ready for an adventure.”

Then, on Saturday, Vandorsum began having shortness of breath, nausea and dizziness. Her daughter Ruth rushed her to the hospital and told doctors her mother had been on a date with a younger man the night before and that the excitement may have been too much for her. It was then that Vandorsum interrupted and revealed what REALLY happened…

“Oh I don’t think it was the date itself sweetie,” Vandorsum explained, according to Right Wing News. “I think it might have been that damn Bedazzle kit I stole from Lizzie’s room before my date on Friday. I decided to bling out my goodies, you know just like those rap stars do to their teeth. And I did just that. And boy was he surprised. I laid on my side and lifted my leg in the air and said ‘Hey Yum Yum do you like my new smile, it’s VaJazzled!’ I was blinged from front to back. He said it looked more like a frown. But that didn’t stop him!”

When the doctor examined Vandorsum, he found that many small gems had been shoved up Vandorsum’s uterus. She had also poisoned her system by using superglue to attach the gems to her vagina. The superglue and gemstones had settled into her vaginal wall after 24 hours, which caused swelling, infection and lesions.

Vandorsum was treated at the hospital and released the next day. Believe it or not, doctors there had treated people for “sprucing up” their vaginas before, just nobody that old!

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